the black card
we are free to make choices every day.
we are very lucky to do so.
what we want for breakfast, what toothpaste to brush our teeth with, what car to drive, what city to live in, how much to tip our server....
whatever you choose to do is perfectly fine.
unless you have a $23 tab and you hand me your frigging american express black card. then, my friend, you have just asked me if i can break a million dollar bill for you because you have nothing smaller. whether you know it or not, you have made a choice to leave me an extremely gratuitous tip.
i see the black card (which has honestly only been twice. they're rare. very rare.) and i think- hey. a million bucks. you have at least a million bucks at any given time. and i do not.
and you know i know. maybe it's your way of saying- hey, lady. see what i got? you're getting at least %50 today. if not much more. unfortunately, that is not what you are thinking. i get that by now. but it should be.
not to mention the fact that you have to physically hand it to me just so i know it's made of some precious metal. for those of you who have not come into contact with the black card, it weighs about as much as a small cell phone. i am not exaggerating.
allow me to give a couple of quick facts...
you cannot apply for a black card. you have to be so wealthy (spending upwards of at least $250,000 a year...and affording a $1,000 annual fee) as to be invited. and it comes with such perks as 24 hour access to a personal concierge. buy-one-get-one free on all first class airline tickets. free travel agent and consulatation with a financial advisor. free one-night's stay in every Mandarin Oriental hotel worldwide once a year. you have just handed me the ultimate symbol of wealth.
the official number of "invitations" in circulation is not disclosed but is estimated only to be in the hundreds. check it out. it's worth a google.
gucci and saks care about your black card. my restaurant and i do not, so keep it in your wallet and give me the visa.
especially if you don't realize proper black card etiquitte.
and don't think i glanced over the fact that you clearly are not the one working for your millions and/or billions. because you sat. in my booth. from eleven. until three. drinking wine. on a tuesday. i am not resenting these people, but there is a time and a place for your black card. make the right choice.
we are very lucky to do so.
what we want for breakfast, what toothpaste to brush our teeth with, what car to drive, what city to live in, how much to tip our server....
whatever you choose to do is perfectly fine.
unless you have a $23 tab and you hand me your frigging american express black card. then, my friend, you have just asked me if i can break a million dollar bill for you because you have nothing smaller. whether you know it or not, you have made a choice to leave me an extremely gratuitous tip.
i see the black card (which has honestly only been twice. they're rare. very rare.) and i think- hey. a million bucks. you have at least a million bucks at any given time. and i do not.
and you know i know. maybe it's your way of saying- hey, lady. see what i got? you're getting at least %50 today. if not much more. unfortunately, that is not what you are thinking. i get that by now. but it should be.
not to mention the fact that you have to physically hand it to me just so i know it's made of some precious metal. for those of you who have not come into contact with the black card, it weighs about as much as a small cell phone. i am not exaggerating.
allow me to give a couple of quick facts...
you cannot apply for a black card. you have to be so wealthy (spending upwards of at least $250,000 a year...and affording a $1,000 annual fee) as to be invited. and it comes with such perks as 24 hour access to a personal concierge. buy-one-get-one free on all first class airline tickets. free travel agent and consulatation with a financial advisor. free one-night's stay in every Mandarin Oriental hotel worldwide once a year. you have just handed me the ultimate symbol of wealth.
the official number of "invitations" in circulation is not disclosed but is estimated only to be in the hundreds. check it out. it's worth a google.
gucci and saks care about your black card. my restaurant and i do not, so keep it in your wallet and give me the visa.
especially if you don't realize proper black card etiquitte.
and don't think i glanced over the fact that you clearly are not the one working for your millions and/or billions. because you sat. in my booth. from eleven. until three. drinking wine. on a tuesday. i am not resenting these people, but there is a time and a place for your black card. make the right choice.
posted by zoë at 9:16 AM
2 Comments:
I know this man well. Sitting at my six top with one other person. . .But I still think black cards are sweet. I think kanye describes it best in "last call".
woman: Oh my god, is that a black card?
Kanye: I turned around and replied, why yes but I prefer the term African American Express
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